Wednesday, December 31, 2008 Y 8:42 PM
HAppy 2009!!!!Happy new year. New year new beginning. Hope that in the year 2009 everything will be smooth -sailing. my family to be healthy. my relationship with hubby to be long-lasting and we will have happiness. I will earn lots of money. I will go back to school. =)
I really hope that everything will be better.
A summary of 2008.
2008 has been really tough. so many things that i have gone thru. In Jan , Feb , March, April i was still attending school. Due to my playfulness and absence in school. I withdrawn from schol and wanted to take private Os. But who knows the registration is closed. so i just worked for hubby. Til august there were no more guys and hubby decided to let go of his business. There after our lives seem to change. I was jobless for three months. evryday was jus wasting my life. Finally in Novemember i went to work in starhub. i was working in their call centres. It was a different experience. Evrything was brand new, new colleague. new workign habits. i cant be as wildful as i am when im working for hubby anymore... Everything seem to change, so much things have changed. For my relationship, everything has just been like a roller coaster. There are times we felt really happy. and blissed. There are times we jus felt like letting go. We have been thru so much so much. we almost blew this relationship off. Yet we managed to hold on. Jus wanna tell u hubby i love you very much.
alrights(; happy 2009!!!!!!!
Tuesday, November 18, 2008 Y 8:40 PM
crap. im working now. Im so bored. Having training at starhub. Faintz. Im so tired these few days. Not used to the working life can. FRiends, better dun call 1633 and disturb me. haha...ehhs not used to this kind of enviroment. To me this sucks man. Haha i dun think i wil stay here for long, jus working for the sake of fun. CAuse wanna like try out a new working enviroment.Okays im really sleepy and tired. Cool shit yeah. 2 hrs long lunch. BUt tiring sia. HAve to travel all the way to ayer rajah. Its damn taxing. ANyway i want to make alot of Money! Jus Like Last time. Hmm, anyway i will only support one man!! person to work for. If he wana make a comeback, i wil be the first to support him again. crap. Shit I dun know wad the else am i blogging . IM BORED>BYE
Friday, November 7, 2008 Y 12:01 AM
I THOUGHT U WILL TRY TO UNDERSTAND WHAT IM GOING THRU. I THOUGHT U WILL SHARE MY FEELINGS. I THOUGHT U WILL PUT IN MORE EFFORT TO HEAL MY WOUND. BUT NO. YOU DIDNT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
KILL ME MAN!I CANNOT BEAR THIS HURT ANYMORE. IM GOING BONKERS!!!!!!
Thursday, November 6, 2008 Y 11:19 PM
recently so many things happen and i changed alot. The perception i have towards this relationship has changed tremendously. I no longer feel the same way i used to. My heart feels so cold. I can no longer feel warmth anymore. I know I'm no longer as cheerful and nice to him. but what can i do, He has caused me tO feel so in balanced. I get angry easily, flare up easily because i feel no matter what he do is never enough to make up for the hurt he caused me. We have been together for so long, he has hurt me too many times, this time round is the final verdict. I can no longer be hurt anymore, for i wont be able to take it. These few days i hasn't been happy. I got to put up a strong front to show its not hurting me so bad. But the thing is its hurting me real bad. The reason why it hurt so much is not because the action is the main thing.But the principle behind it. I cannot stand my boyfriend betraying me, moreover. before that i have been trying to do my part. After so much this is what i get. these few morning i wake up with a heavy feeling.Usually when i wake up, the first thing i wanna hear is his voice. But this morning i hesitated. I refrain myself to do so. But after an hour or so, i still called. cause no matter how much i am angry with him, i had the urge to knw what he is doing, i refrain myself from doing alot of things, like being vry nice to him, like being understanding towards him. I show him attitude because i feel vry angry with him , till date. I cannot believe the one i love would deliberately hurt me. Im so afraid that all this promises he made are jus empty talks. IT will probably fade away after a while. Im so afraid cos despite the promises , i stil feel that he has many other priorities before me. What can i do , the hurt is done. It has damaged my feelings, it has once again made me feel how vulnerable i am. Our relationship was alrights. but he had to cause this R/S damaged. Im so tired to move on, how i wished i can be like myself again, I always have a feeling. Sometime i feel so blissed with him, some times i feel so pathetic. Right now, im writing this, tears jus flow down my eyes. the pain feels like a thousand needles poking thru my heart. I have not feel so upset for so many days le. I usually get over things real fast, like usually when we quarrel, i'll be fine after 24 hours or even lesser. But three days has pass, i still feel i cannot cope with my feelings. Or the way i feel, i have become so irrational. 说好的幸福呢， 我心好痛 why do u have to torture me time and time again. Help me get through this rough patch as soon as can, perhaps time can heal all wounds. But for now, it really gonna hurt real bad. was i happier w/o you? i Really have no idea. I wish somebody could take me away from all this sufferings.
Tuesday, November 4, 2008 Y 4:08 AM
i swear i wont cry, even as tears fill my eyes. My heart hurts real bad. Much as i would like to forgive you. I really dont knw why. The reason that holding me back because i dun wish to be hurt anymore. Im really very upset. the pain is excruciating. do you really care for me? Do you really love me?Do you really care for this relationship. If you care for me, why in the first place you wanna hurt me?
I have never feel so badly hurt. Usually after a while, i tend to get things over vry fast. but now, my heart still feel so heavy and painful. I really dun knw wad to do anymore. I so stupid to cry for you time and time again. I wish i could be stronger. Eveerytime i blog it shows how unhappy i am. Im so sad and unhappy. Tell me what can i do. I really dun knw hw already. CAn some one teach me what to do. IM REALLY VRY UNH APPY!IM FEELING SO FUCKED UP!!! I jus dun wan to be hurt anymore. I dun wish to be unhappy anymore. am i really so lousy? and inferior. I begining tO lOse faith in our relationship.
Friday, October 31, 2008 Y 10:38 AM
Come on man. Why dOnt u check on ur own attitude. Im really sick of writing something like that. I wrote it in my journal, my blog for a umpteen times i guess. Gosh, really dont knw what you are thinking. You always make me feel so insecure and unsure. There's no one i can whine to but to this stupid blog of mine. I can never feel loved all the time. It all depends on your temperamental. You are so nice at times , so mean at times too. Ya ya ya, for how many donkey years i have been saying this. It's always the same. Im sick and tired of doing certain things .
Like im always so sure, I love you more than you love me. Im quite certain on this. DAmn it!!!!!I WANNA BE LOVED, NOT TO LOVE. MY FRUSTRATIONS AND ANGER WHO CAN UNDERSTAND!!! I wish some one would hit me hard on my head so that i can forget everything. FUCK IT%#%@!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Evrytime i compare the past and present, my heart aches alot, cos i wonder is it your feelings have faded away or what.
Wednesday, October 15, 2008 Y 11:29 AM
Okay.. I would like to say our relationship is like going thru a ride of roller coaster. Ups and Downs. Im not sure myself either whether my heart will take it anot. previously you are like so good to me, then sometimes mean. Like that day i have a bad stomachache was hoping you wil bring me to the doc but you didnt. If you are sick and how tired i am , i would still accompany you to the doc. I guess thats the difference abt me and you, Because i think thaty i love you for than you love me. And if it werent for the fact that im hanging on, i guess. you would have let go.
SEriously, i dun even know whether im making you happy. I dont understand why sometimes you are so nice, then treat me like shit. Cant you Jus treat me good all the time? LIke what i do..
We have gone thru a really long way.I jus hope things will improve. You mean the world to me. How do we maintaiin our relationship all the time?Im upset im really am, you dont even try to make me feel important. alrights;(
MICHELLE NG.